For generations, motherhood followed a familiar script – marry, have children and keep trying until you get a son. But today, a growing number of women are rewriting that narrative. Armed with information, greater financial independence and changing ideas about family, many modern mothers are choosing smaller families, prioritising their wellbeing and embracing motherhood on their own terms.

Safaa Aisha Alam, 27, is one such woman. When she got married, she and her husband agreed they would have only two children. After welcoming their first daughter, they hoped their second child would be a boy. And when another daughter arrived, there was no disappointment—only gratitude. "To be honest, I thought my second born would be a boy because I wanted just two children, a boy and a girl. But when I found out it was another girl, I was still as overjoyed," says the mother of two.

Safaa’s story reflects a broader shift among younger mothers who are increasingly rejecting outdated expectations around gender, family size and motherhood itself. Rather than disappointment, Safaa saw practical advantages. Having another daughter meant she could reuse clothes and shoes from her firstborn. “I knew I was going to save a lot of money because I kept all my firstborn’s clothes and shoes, which I would have given away had I found out that I was expecting a son. So, it was still a very happy occasion for us.”

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Safaa is among a growing number of women who are no longer bowing to the pressure older generations often faced when it came to having a male child. She believes access to information and changing social attitudes have transformed parenting. “I am very happy with my two princesses, and I think in today’s economy, two children are more than enough. It was the number my spouse and I agreed on.”

'Quiet Empire' podcast host Safaa Aisha Alam.

Photo credit: Pool

Safaa says she deliberately pursued a healthy lifestyle especially during her two pregnancies. “I tried to eat well, and to attend all doctors’ appointments and scans because I was determined to do the best for myself and my child.”

Safaa now contributes to conversations around modern motherhood through her podcast, Quiet Empire, where she discusses women's empowerment, motherhood challenges and personal ambition.

"I feel like modern parenting is very different because, as today's mothers, we are more aware of our own feelings and needs. Some people from older generations may think that is selfish, but when we take care of ourselves, we become better mothers and better people."

Despite the challenges of balancing motherhood and career ambitions, Safaa takes pride in building a future for herself and her daughters. “Since I was young, I always wanted to be a mum and I am glad I got to do that at a young age. Now that my children are in school, I can focus on my career,” she says. Her daughters are aged six and four.

According to Dr Lorraine Muluka, CEO of Malaica, a Nairobi-based maternity centre offering comprehensive pregnancy and maternal care, women who start and complete their families earlier may enjoy certain advantages, including reduced pregnancy-related complications.

"You are often more prepared mentally and, because you are also building your career, you tend to space your children. Research has shown that spacing pregnancies by at least two years is beneficial because it allows the body time to restore nutrients needed for another pregnancy," she says.

Dr Muluka notes that modern mothers must also be equipped with information about infant nutrition and weaning. “We need to ensure mums understand what foods are nutritious for their babies and how locally available foods should be prepared. Although many women are busy, there are various avenues, including technology, that can support them."

Read: Unfair blame placed on women to give preferred baby gender

Dr Muluka also emphasises the importance of strong support systems, particularly as traditional community structures become less common. “Previously, you would have a whole community taking care of children, but this is no longer the case for many women. It is important to ensure that caregivers, such as nannies, get proper training on understanding a child’s needs.”

The Malaica CEO also highlights a common trend among modern women: delaying motherhood. “It is now common to find mothers having their first babies in their late 30s. While there is nothing wrong with that, it does carry additional risks, including pregnancy-related hypertension and other complications associated with advancing maternal age."

Dr Muluka urges modern women who want or are thinking of getting pregnant to seek pre-conception consultation. "Women should speak to their gynaecologist about any existing health conditions so they can enhance their chances of having a healthy pregnancy. There is no need to rush, but it is also important not to postpone motherhood for too long."

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