I recently came across a video that has been doing quite a circuit on social media. It is a recording of a woman asking her followers to list the things that tell them that the person they are visiting is dirty.

I was appalled almost immediately I started listening to the video, and the first thought that came to mind was that I wouldn’t want her near my house. Not because I am dirty, but because when I invite someone into my home, I expect them to feel honoured, not to use it as an opportunity to scrutinise my house and then go on to judge me or make assumptions about me. Or discuss me on social media. I don’t know about you, but when I invite someone to visit, I do it out of courtesy, out of goodwill.

I might have chosen not to, or invited someone else, but I chose you. The very gesture of going to the extent of extending an invitation to you means that I will have to forgo my comfort for several hours to host and entertain you, because let’s be honest, hosting can be draining.

Invitations to visit friends

It requires you to put on another persona, one that is infinitely patient and polite – you have to be on your best behaviour, smile and be gracious throughout the visit. And since you have to look presentable, you will have to do away with your well-loved, comfortable dera to look nicer for your guests.

Before then you will have done deep cleaning, puffed up the throw pillows and spent a fortune on food.

Imagine doing all this, yet the people you opened your sanctuary to, the place you escape to after long days of earning a living, are only there to look around and eventually find you wanting. How petty. How mannerless. I have a feeling that the woman in the video will not be getting any invitations to visit friends or family anytime soon.

I know several people who have confessed that they never invite friends to their homes, and when they do invite family, it is immediate family only, in this case, their parents and siblings, people that they do not have to put up a show with and who have their best interests at heart.

Model visitors

The explanation that some give for this aversion to visitors is that some people carry with them “bad energy”, that not everyone is happy about your success or the comfort and well-being they see in your home. It goes without saying that it is people like the woman I mentioned that give model ‘guests’ like me a bad name.

If you will allow me to blow my own trumpet, I am the kind of visitor that, when I visit Rome, I am careful to do what the Romans I visit do, and whatever I see or overhear in your home, I will take it to the grave with me. That is why my rich friends, as well as my not-so-rich friends, keep inviting me to their homes.

To begin with, I never visit empty-handed, like my mother taught me. I am also very entertaining company when I apply myself, and will always find something in your home to compliment, so you can be sure I will not be looking for dirt under seats and under the carpet, and will certainly not judge you for the stains on your windows.

And you know what? I am pretty sure that there are many other, ahem, model visitors like me who understand what an honour it is to have someone specifically call them and invite them into their home, their happy place.

cnjunge@ke.nationmedia.com

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